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The absence of scandals in the house, independence and training of new skills, ingenuity and fortitude. Yes, it's all about the benefits of being a single mother. Why raising children alone is better for someone than pulling the strap of an unhappy or obsolete relationship, mom and columnist Tara Kennedy-Klein argues.
I was raised by a single mother. I have many acquaintances and girlfriends who are raising children on their own, and I must tell you: everything they have achieved testifies to their strong character and originality. Prejudice against single mothers has always existed, but in my opinion, they are much stronger than most people, if only because they have to work more on their “parent muscles”.
So, here are 12 reasons why being a single mother is not so bad:
Single moms don't need to negotiate
(if they don't want it)
All decisions in the house are one-sided, which means that there will definitely not be a situation with a good cop and a bad cop. So the decision is only for mom. And the only reaction she has to deal with is, “That's not fair! Woe to me!”, or something like that. Bonus: Since you are not arguing with your partner, trying to reach a consensus when responding to a child, you can teach your children through experience how to communicate and express dissatisfaction without yelling.
Unmarried mothers - an example to follow in independence
When there is no one else to do what you cannot do, you have to learn to do it yourself. I know single moms who have changed tires, plugged in a TV and home theater system, moved heavy furniture, hung shelves, cut bushes with a chainsaw, and built a lawnmower.
Such women teach their children how to be independent. And when they grow up and build relationships with someone, it will be because they want it, and not because they need someone to survive.
A single mom is more likely to get enough sleep
The American National Sleep Foundation has found that sleeping together in the same bed leads to the loss of 49 minutes of sleep per night. This is unacceptable for any mom, especially when tiny people constantly break into your bedroom at 6 o'clock in the morning. A single mother has a much higher chance of getting enough sleep - she is not disturbed by a partner who went to bed later, the lights on, and even more so snoring.
Single mothers are masters of their bodies
Scientists at Cornell University (USA) found that women usually gain 2 to 4 kg in the first few years of marriage. The situation is aggravated if they are unhappy in marriage. The study showed that in such cases, women gain 25 kg in weight during the first 10 years of marriage. Single moms don't have to cancel their gym membership in favor of hugs or walks with their partner. They don't have to give up salad for dinner because their spouse is craving hamburgers.
There are other freedoms that loneliness gives: you can sleep peacefully whenever you want, no one will pester you in the dark with opaque hints of sex. You can also wear whatever you want without having to ask anyone, "Does this blouse have a low neckline?"
Give these girls a cape!
(Yes, single moms are superheroes)
Their kids think their moms are amazing. Yes, single mothers want their children not to feel left out. Such a mother can bake fifty cupcakes overnight for the fair the next day. She can teach them how to throw a twist serve or dress up for a party with friends.
Single-parent families require frequent role reversal, and when a mother can combine both, children feel safe and calm. They know that they can trust their mother and cry into the vest in any situation.
The struggle for survival creates a close-knit family
Some argue that single-parent families are bad for children because they grow up quickly in them. But in such families it is more important to unite and rely on each other, which brings them very close. As in sports, it is important to work in a team.
Single moms have a monopoly on the values they instill in their children
Single mothers can raise their children with the morals, beliefs, character, and life skills they feel are right, without caring about other people's opinions that go against their own. And they put the whining dad out the door a long time ago.
The success of her children is only her success
She is able to find the strength in herself in order to be as useful as possible for her children. This is an experience that many parents will never get. And a single mother also feels great satisfaction when her children succeed no matter what, because she was the best parent you can be. This is a reward for all her hard work and self-sacrifice.
Single mothers are resourceful and cunning personalities
Being the only breadwinner is not easy, but this does not mean that an incomplete family cannot be happy and complete. Circumstances push mom to various creative tricks in managing the household. Instead of buying a sheep costume for a school play, she and her children sew cotton balls onto a pillowcase.
Single mothers are masters of leisure. They make ice cream at home, build camping tents in the living room, and tell scary stories by flashlight. They become brilliant confectioners, creating masterpieces from store-bought biscuits and icing, and a second-hand dress is easily turned into a great prom outfit.
They don't have a mother-in-law!
However, some still have babysitters - their exes. And this is quite a reason to rejoice.
Single mothers don't have to share their children with anyone every day
It's a bit selfish, but understandable. Unlike their married girlfriends, they don't have to give someone else their time or attention if they don't want to. Single mothers can focus all their attention on their children without having to deal with the “jealous dad syndrome” that wants to draw attention to itself (yes, this exists).
Single mothers inspire us
They overcome adversity and do things they thought they couldn't do. This gives others confidence in their strength. We think, "Hey, if my single friend can get a job, raise three kids, and go back to school, I might try running a marathon or learn Spanish."
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Once upon a time, she could go on a date at least the whole day: shave her legs, pick up a dress, change to jeans, change her mind a hundred times ... Now she is most concerned about who to leave the child with, and she can simply forget some little things.
2. Time is precious to her.
Children take a lot of physical and moral strength, so in rare moments without them, mom wants to take a nap, watch a new movie, drink or do something else just as pleasant. But in reality, this time is more often devoted to cleaning, cooking and other household chores. Therefore, a single mother values her time most of all and will not waste it on those who are not worth it. If she gets bored on the first date, then the second one will definitely prefer laundry.
3. She can't let her emotions out.
A single mother usually does not have time for sobs into the pillow and emotional worries, because she is busy with children, home, and even work. Therefore, if she seems overly restrained and harsh, it most likely only seems.
4. Getting to know her child is the most important event.
A single mother will definitely not introduce a boyfriend to children after the first date. And after the second. This requires a really promising relationship, no matter how child-loving the new man may be. The reason is simple: children quickly get used to the new “dad”, and if he disappears in a week or a month, they will be very bored.
5. The baby is her top priority.
A man in the life of a single mother will always be in the background. It's one of those things that doesn't need to be explained: she put her whole soul (and part of her body) into the offspring, and anyone who tries to break their connection will lose.
6. Sometimes she will have to take the child on dates.
Of course, she would like sensual dates and preferably for the whole night. But the circumstance in the person of her child will have to be reckoned with - after the man passes the acquaintance test. Sometimes there will be no one to leave him with or he will want to see “that uncle” again. So you have to keep your feelings to yourself.
7. Communication with an ex-husband is not the same as feelings for him.
If a single mother gives the child to her ex-husband or meets with him on some children's business, this does not mean at all that they want everything back. They are just good parents, and the child is the only thing that unites them now.
8. She can cancel a date.
Troubles happen, and most often - with children. A date can be postponed if the baby suddenly gets sick, needs attention right now, or something unexpected happens. Do not be offended - anyone has the right to get sick.
9. She doesn't need to be rescued
A single mother is not at all an unhappy person who is just waiting for a prince on a white horse to appear and save her from paying bills and screwing in light bulbs. There is a time for everything, and pity, along with unsolicited help, is out of place here. However, as in any other relationship.
Stepping into a single life after many years of marriage and raising a child alone is very difficult. Many single women try to create a new family and arrange a personal life, but only a few succeed.
Desperate divorcees?
By the evening of acquaintances, the divorced 39-year-old Irina Osipova, the mother of a seven-year-old son, prepared thoroughly: she lost weight, made up, in a word, began to look more stylish and attractive. At the party, having chatted in a short time with several potential chosen ones, Ira chose one of them. Several times she tried in vain to communicate with him via the Internet. “In the end,” she says with a sigh, “I asked the employee who organizes such evenings to show me his resume, from which I learned that he prefers childless women ...”
Unfortunately, often attempts to re-arrange personal life can be unsuccessful and painful. Not to mention the factors that cannot be ignored: stress, the need to earn more, the difficult process of "settling down" a new relationship with an ex-husband, looking for a nanny for a child. The above is enough for a single mother, in despair, to forever bury the idea of going on a date and spending the evening in the company of a pleasant man.
In fact, not everything is so gloomy. Many moms are even enjoying the freedom that comes with her new status! The modern woman does not feel compelled to necessarily have a husband in order to legitimize her role as a mother. In addition, more and more divorced women are occupied with a career and are not limited to family interests. Therefore, they do not have an irresistible desire to fill with something the gaping emptiness in their hearts, which their husband recently occupied.
30 years ago, for example, there were half as many single mothers as there are today. As a result, public opinion towards single mothers (desperate divorcees who hunt for potential daddies for their unfortunate children) has changed dramatically. The modern single mother is more interested in arranging a new life, and for this she does not have to look for a man at all. If, nevertheless, a woman tries to find a soul mate, then she does it on her own terms and not always immediately after a divorce. Although in the end, most of them remarry after about three years. Nevertheless, any divorced mother faces certain difficulties. And there are three basic rules that will help to overcome them.
First: take your time. Think about how the man you have chosen can fit into your life.
Second: don't lose your "sense of balance". Put your needs on one side of the scale and your children's needs on the other.
Third: respect the boundaries. Not all information about changes in your personal life needs to be shared with children.
Most divorced women put work and raising children above their own free time and women. And if the chronic lack of time is complemented by a difficult relationship with an ex-husband and his unplanned visits to meet with children, then many will forever refuse spontaneously planned dates.
At the same time, many single mothers, when dating other men, feel confident, because they do not need to prove to anyone that they can get married at least once. After all, they have already taken place in the most important role of a woman - the role of a mother.
Some women want to remarry and have a child with a new husband, but there are others who are openly enjoying themselves after a failed marriage. Most psychologists believe that divorced mothers who meet new men are much calmer and less frustrated with life than unmarried women. But this is not easy for them: a strange child for a man is not a long-awaited gift. “When I meet men, I have no doubt that they are passionate about me,” Elena Startseva, a 32-year-old manager of a large construction company, shares her experience. “Until I inform them that my son is waiting for me at home. In most cases interest in me instantly faded away.Sometimes men invited me on a date even after they found out about their son, but rather, just out of politeness. "
Instant Family
There are men, psychologists warn, for whom a single mother is easy prey. For some reason, they think that young divorced mothers are desperately looking for male attention and love. They are warmed by the thought that such women should be grateful to them: after all, the man turned his favorable gaze on her, and not on the younger, childless, unmarried ... Therefore, before entering into a serious relationship with a man, it is better to try to find out motives for his courtship.
37-year-old Olga Morshanova, mother of a three-year-old daughter, spoke about the failures that befell her in relationships with three men. One of them, after the first meeting, called her home at 3 o'clock in the morning (say "Good morning"?). The second (also after the first date) said that he does not fall into ecstasy from the fact that she has a child. The third called Olga a "hot mom" and said that she had an "instant family - just add water." It is clear that she quickly said goodbye to these men.
Some men, especially those who have not yet known fatherhood, are frightened when they are directly confronted with a reality where toys and diapers reign. “I would like that for the man I am dating, going to a cafe or to the cinema with my child would not be a painful burden,” says Olga. “After all, for me, a child is an indisputable priority and I hardly find time for evening dates” . Unfortunately, not every man is able to understand this.
“Being a single mother and a woman is like experiencing a split personality,” says 33-year-old nurse Ekaterina Lavrova. “90% of the time I am the mother of a five-year-old daughter, the remaining 10% I can spend on myself and communicate with people of interest to me. That’s enough, to feel like I'm 20 again! At first I worry about leaving home for a date or a party, but then I suddenly realize: wow, great! You can relax and take your mind off your worries! There is something strange about going on dates and being mother. But you need to understand that you are not only a mother, but also just a person! And meetings with the opposite sex return me, who was thoroughly shaken after a divorce. " By the way, for Katya with a man - not an end in itself. "How many times they tried to introduce me to potential suitors! But I was in no hurry to find a husband for myself - I focused on work, family and felt very good!" - confesses Katya, who recently had a serious contender for her hand and heart. She regrets only one thing: she brought one of her boyfriends into the house too early. 6 months after the divorce, she became interested in one man and introduced him to her little daughter as a groom. After some time, their paths parted, and the daughter, who became attached to him, asked for a long time: "Where did mother's fiancé go?"
When 30-year-old Marina Stepanova divorced her husband, her son Danila was only a year old. At first, she allowed the men she met to accompany them with their son on walks in the park or invited them to her home. “I soon realized that it’s better not to do this. All of them considered it necessary to show their parental abilities. One of them even began to correct the reading of the growing Danila, which I didn’t like at all.
Men can only say how much they enjoy dating a single mother. In fact, not all unmarried men feel comfortable in the role of the father of a ready-made child. When 35-year-old firefighter Igor Vasiliev began dating 33-year-old Anna, a supermarket manager, he couldn't keep up with her son Gosha's schedule. Therefore, Anya met him mainly when the boy was with his own father. On the other hand, Igor liked Anna precisely because she "values her family and is very responsible." “I didn’t want to immediately throw my son and beloved man into each other’s arms,” Anna recalls. “I tried to make them communicate in a friendly way, given that Gosha’s own father does a lot.” Over time, Anna's beloved men developed a true friendship. But she was worried about another problem: the future acquaintance with Igor's parents. Anya was very worried: how they would accept her child. But the worries turned out to be in vain, Igor's parents are friendly and Anya recently married Igor.
Single father willing to compromise
The most reliable category of men for single moms is single dads. 40-year-old Inga Bovina accompanied her daughter Katya to school every day. And every day I watched admiringly a middle-aged man who drove his daughter to school by the same route. "He is not only good-looking, but also attentive and accurate - his seven-year-old daughter had a wonderful pigtail braided every day. It shocked me," smiles Inga. One day they got to talking, got to know each other and learned a lot about each other. “Dating single fathers is much easier,” Inga says, “they are ready to compromise, because it is important for a child to understand that he is the main one, and a man should be okay with this.” In addition, single fathers are no less pragmatic than single mothers. "On the first date, Sergei immediately told me: divorced, I want to marry again. Meeting with him, I got to know myself again. And I really appreciate that he gave me this opportunity."
The lonely voyage of Marina Stepanova also ended. She met a 39-year-old widower who raised his daughter alone. "We soon realized that with our schedules, we could only meet once a month." During the year they only occasionally saw each other, talked only on the phone, then they realized: they must either part or unite their destinies. They chose the latter.
Arrange a personal life or leave everything as it was?
“When my husband and I divorced after 10 years of marriage,” Elena Rybchinskaya confesses, “I made a promise to myself to follow the law of three “not”: not to use my son in a relationship with my husband, not to do a facelift, not to turn into a lady ready to jump into bed to the first person I met. Nevertheless, the first thing I went to a store that sells beautiful underwear. Even if I have to take off my clothes in the presence of a new man, I'd rather be buried in expensive lace than in a modest, featureless linen of a stall. It's amazing, but along with the new underwear, I also had new thoughts.A curious thing: for the first time in my adult life, I began to be embarrassed by thinking about sex.In my pre-married life, everything was simple: do I want to sleep with this young man and does he want to sleep with me? - even simpler: do I want to sleep with my husband or do I just want to sleep? But intimate life after a divorce is more complicated. With whom? When? And most importantly, why?
The only thing I was sure of until the end: I need to make the right choice for myself and nine-year-old son Nikita. A choice that would not leave psychological scars in our souls, already painfully surviving the breakup of the family. I understood very well: the chances of making a stupid choice immediately after a divorce are very high! I did not want to plunge into a light romance that would lead to the inevitable communication of my son with a complete stranger. I vowed not to introduce Nikita to any of my new acquaintances until our relationship moved to a more serious level. Sometimes I was even overly cautious. Dating a man after a divorce is like driving again after an accident. You understand that it is necessary, but you already realize how easy it is to lose control. In this state, a woman needs, first of all, compliments, entertainment. But what is it really? A night spent with a man, the next day waiting in vain for his phone call, and the belated realization that you've been fooled.
My vigilance sharpened when my ex-husband had his first girlfriend, who stayed overnight even when Nikita came to his father for the weekend. I was worried about their rapidly developing relationship, because when we lived as one family, Nikita had a habit of bursting into our room in the morning without knocking and hugging us in turn. "You don't have to go into daddy's bedroom if the door is closed," I said. "Because they're having sex?" my son surprised me. "Maybe so". - "And what is" to have sex?
As far as I know, the son did not come to his father without knocking anymore and did not ask me questions about sex anymore. Although, of course, he was annoyed by the inevitability of sharing his legitimate hours with his dad with some other aunt. And then I decided: until the passions subside, I will not force my son to share his mother with someone else. Nikita needs a mother more than I need a dear friend.
Once a man appeared in my life who, on the very first date (it also became the last one), told me that he had not seen his teenage son for five years, because his ex-wife was so-and-so ... Until now, I I remember him with a shudder. I experienced something similar to love for a man who kissed me as if I were the only woman on Earth: gently and passionately at the same time. I admired him. But, if I met the same man on the way, then the time turned out to be not right ... Every single mother has the right to an intimate life. But safe, with a man who will never make you cry and will certainly never hurt your children. A woman needs a life filled with love and respect. In short, such that you suddenly want to shave for someone your legs, which have been worked out during the day. In the meantime, I spend Sunday evenings at home watching TV: on one side of the sofa, a dozing cat was attached, on the other - my beloved smiling son. And between them, I am all romantic, old-fashioned and demanding, in a dressing gown, under which beautiful underwear is waiting in the wings.
- Approximately 75% of divorcees are between the ages of 25 and 44.
- The more children a single mother has, the less likely she is to get married again (about two million divorced women have one child, a million two, half a million three or more children under the age of 18).
- 75% of officially registered remarriages take place after a period of civil residence.
Psychologists believe that one of the most common mistakes single mothers make is an attempt to combine their personal life with family life. Do not rush to do this: the consequences can be the most unpleasant. That's why:
Introduce your friend to your children only when necessary.
Children may become genuinely attached to him and feel abandoned if your relationship ends. Some kids will painfully experience another loss.
Discuss personal life with children less.
First, introduce the man as a friend. So you will not awaken feelings of anger, jealousy in the child, you will not provoke a completely understandable "strike" in relation to your friend.
Consider the age of the children.
Young children do not need to immediately introduce their new buddy. Still not understanding what a date is, they may get worried: maybe this uncle will be the new dad. And they will see only one thing: a strange man takes away their beloved mother from them. Older children are able to understand that a mother should be happy not only in the family, but also outside of it.
6 simple truths about single mothers
I think that such characters are much more likely to live their whole lives alone than women with children, whom they hate so much.But the most important thing: there were a lot of comments from the "loners" themselves, who either have already found a good husband for themselves, or are still choosing among those who wish. But for some reason there were no complaints that the presence of a child was perceived by someone as a hindrance at all. Based on this, it was possible to formulate several truths that are clearly more relevant than old conjectures and stupid prejudices on the same topic. Let me announce them to you.
1. A man who is looking for a wife, not always eager to immediately have children. Some intelligent beings rightly believe that you first need to live together for a couple of years and make sure that you have not only love, but also complete love. In this sense, a single woman with a child is just a gift, because, as a rule, she does not have the goal of immediately having another child. Therefore, she does not say that she is already 27, 29, 31 and then it will be too late. In addition, by choosing a woman with a child who is no longer a baby, a man deprives himself of two years of lack of sleep. Someone may like to go through all these screams, diapers, etc. from the very beginning, but in general these are not the easiest couple of years. But, of course, you can always have a second joint child and enjoy it all.
2. Someone else's child - this does not mean a bad child. Some will surpass any future dad in upbringing, kindness and intelligence. Therefore, bad candidates for dad immediately have problems in communicating with the child, and here, as an excuse for their own inferiority, they just go into the course of the theory that someone else's child will never be their own, etc. Damn these candidates! There are many better ones and many more.
3. If a man truly loves a woman, he loves her child too. Personally, I do not know a single case when one of the friends, falling head over heels in love with some girl, suddenly exclaimed in horror: “What am I doing?! She has a child!” It didn't stop anyone. Even those who had previously talked about genetics and that he was unlikely to babysit other people's children. Love does not just blow the roof - it also makes a person better. It teaches you to think with your heart, not just your head. True, if love leaves completely or a man falls in love with someone else, then he can often leave his own child. What he thinks, it is better not to know.
4. Despite the fact that outside the XXI century, the Internet and other achievements of civilization, some women still think of hiding the fact that they have a child. It seems to them that this can scare off a potential boyfriend. We have already found out what kind of men this can scare away. But a person who has fallen in love with you and has the most serious intentions will not be scared off by a child, but by the fact that you tried to deceive him from the very beginning. No relationship can be built on lies and insincerity.
5. Not everyone will believe, but very often it is the child who helps the mother to find a full-fledged family. It happens that when caring for a mother, a man becomes so attached to the child and feels how they need each other that he is even ready to turn a blind eye to some shortcomings or whims of the mother. Of course, we are talking about normal relations between a man and a child, and not about the criminal desires of a pedophile. Unfortunately, the Humbert-Humberts did not disappear from the face of the earth, but here the mother herself must feel who she contacted.
6. No matter how rapidly the romance of a single mother with a single bachelor develops, some time must pass before a candidate for dad is presented to the child. Unfortunately, not everyone understands this - both single mothers and their gentlemen. Often, young children become attached to a new dad very quickly. And if something goes wrong in the relationship and the couple does not take place, the baby will suffer.
Of course, this is not a definitive list of truths on the subject. But I hope that many readers will now find something to answer the question of various neighbors, pseudo-friends and other idiots “Who will take you with a child?”.
Diaries:
DECEMBER 6 I'M GOING TO THE ALTAI REGIONAL DRAMA THEATER, TO THE CONCERT OF VICTOR KOROLEV. WHO IS WITH ME? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? EVERYONE PAYS FOR HIMSELF. I HAVE A BALCONY TICKET, ROW - B5, SEAT - 17
No matter how hard a person tries to live, he still needs a family. You can't replace a family with money, a career, or friends. The family is like an element of the puzzle: you find the missing piece, and the picture of life will take shape...
EVERY PERSON PAVES THE WAY TO HEALTH, AND PERFORMING GOOD DEEDS WE THEREFORE OPEN THE GATES TO PARADISE FOR US, BECAUSE ONLY WITH THE PERMISSION OF THE MOST HIGH WE CAN ENTER THESE GATES AND ENJOY PARADISE! GOD BLESS YOU AND FORGIVE YOU!
This year, of course, the weather turned out to be cruel ... In April, the heat and in May -2 and snow, global warming - ptil! May beetles came out this year on April 28 and I observed them for only 3 days, and then again the cold. We are waiting for the heat, maybe they will still come out, but for now, the cars left in the morning in hoarfrost. The practical first days of May were only 2 days without rain, I was just at the dacha these days. It was cold and damp, so I had to constantly heat the stove. There, a local dog comes to visit me, we feed him with whatever we can, the local dog is kind enough and smart. So he came in the rain on May 8, I was just sawing firewood. I finished it and called him with me, there the cheese remained old, I decided to give it to him. Here I took the cheese, I give it to the dog, and this dog sniffed the cheese, pressed his ears and ran away from me. I'm in shock, I go to him and say to eat, he runs away from me. I look at the blood on my hand, I see they were drinking firewood and I didn’t see how it shuffled on my hand, the dog sniffed and ran away like hell. He threw this cheese into the bushes - he will have to eat or someone else will eat ... This weekend he came to visit again, but he doesn’t come up to me, he usually came up to stroke him, but then he stays a meter away from me and doesn’t fit. I tell him to go pet him - he jumps back and avoids ... Here is such an impressionable dog.
it hurts - this is when you spill boiling water on your feet, and then bite the pillow at night it hurts - this is when you can’t hug your mom or dad because they no longer hurt - this is when a 5-year-old girl is hit by a car in front of your eyes, it hurts - this is when a woman, having suffered for almost a day, does not hear the cry of his newborn child, it hurts - this is when a person dies, who most of all wanted to live, it hurts - this is when you learn about the crash of a plane in which a person close to you was flying, it hurts - this is when they make you an invalid with one awkward movement of your hand, and I can give many more examples when it really hurts, it stays inside you forever, at the very bottom of your soul, and all this unrequited love and parting of yours is complete garbage, it’s just that the vocabulary is too small, that’s why everyone calls it pain pain, which through a few bottles of vodka, blocks of cigarettes and a couple of strangers passes the real one remains with us forever, so shut up and think carefully about when it really hurts
We study each other with the touch of our fingers. Is this passion? Is it flour? Or is it completely nonsense? How desirable is this obedient participation. How gratifying that the word “no” was not torn from the lips. We study each other ... Almost tactlessly. But who can impose bans on this? Enjoy. Isn't it nice? I won't give you an answer. Kiss. I'm sorry ... The heat from the body. From a glance. From the touch. From the breaths that are struggling with something else... And almost there is only a moment left until oblivion, When you become mine, and I will become yours. - we erase all the edges. And the last edge encourages you to enter ...
SEVEN RULES OF FREEDOM AND HAPPINESS 1. Rule of the Mirror. The people around me are my mirrors. They reflect the features of my own personality, often not realized by me. For example, if someone is rude to me, it means that I want it that way, I allow it. If someone deceives me again and again, then I am inclined to believe anyone. So no one to be offended. 2. Rule of Choice. I realize that everything that happens in my life is the result of my own choice. And if today I communicate with a boring person, then I myself am boring and boring. There are no bad and evil people - there are unfortunate ones. If I sort out their problems, then I like it. So there is no one to complain to. I am the cause of everything that happens to me. The author and creator of my destiny is myself. 3. Rule of Error. I agree that I could be wrong. Other people should not always consider my opinion or my actions to be correct. The real world is not only black and white, there is also light gray and dark white. I'm not an IDEAL, I'm just a good person and I have the right to make mistakes. The main thing is to be able to recognize it and correct it in time. 4. Rule of Correspondence. I have exactly what, and exactly as much, what I correspond to, what I deserve, no more, no less, whether it concerns relationships with people, work or money. If I can't love a person to the fullest, it's ridiculous to demand that this person love me THAT much. So all my claims are meaningless. And at the same time, when I myself decide to change, the people around me also change (for the better) 5. Rule of Dependence. Nobody owes me anything. I am capable and can selflessly help everyone I can. And it makes me happy. To be kind, you have to be strong. To become strong, you must believe that I can do anything. And I believe! But you also need to be able to speak 6. The Rule of Presence. I live here and now. There is no past, because every next second comes the present. There is no future because it doesn't exist yet. Attachment to the past leads to depression, preoccupation...