Adolescence 12 years old boy. Puberty in boys: signs, features. We cultivate will and character

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for any child is a very important period in life. Boys are no exception. At this time, processes begin in the adolescent's body that indicate a leap in development. Nature triggers this mechanism at the age of 9-14. The period is also called pubertal, in principle, this is the beginning of puberty. But boys do not tolerate it exactly as they did in adolescence. Boys develop a couple of years later. Girls 13 years old are quite formed, in contrast to boys, who at this age still have a childish appearance.

Physiological changes

In the transitional age, the boy's body begins to rapidly rebuild. He begins to grow bones muscle mass, the shoulders expand. From the age of 10, the penis and the size of the testicles begin to increase, hair growth is activated on the pubis. The development of secondary sexual characteristics is accompanied by heightened feelings and increased excitability. Boys wake up the first sexual manifestation in relation to the opposite sex.

At the age of 14, the boy notices changes in his voice - it becomes rougher, sometimes sound changes appear, which are formed due to the development of cartilage in the throat and an increase in the vocal cords. The voice is finally formed two years after the onset of puberty. At about 15, a teenager reaches reproductive age, but this does not mean that the transitional age is over.

The boy will turn into a real man no earlier than 23 years old.

From 14 to 16 years old, boys have wet dreams, that is, ejaculation during sleep. The body is designed in such a way that every phenomenon is not accidental. It is natural during puberty, so you shouldn't be intimidated or surprised. It is noteworthy that boys in adolescence suffer from excess weight much less often girls. The only exception is obesity, provoked by metabolic disorders or hereditary factors.

Transitional age often accompanied by such an unpleasant symptom as acne. Its appearance is associated with excessive secretion of hormones, therefore, with the end of puberty, this problem usually goes away. However, during puberty, acne often causes the appearance of many complexes and psychological problems.

Psychological problems

The transitional age in boys is necessarily accompanied by changes in character and behavior. It turns out that boys are no less worried about their own appearance than girls. They make efforts and try to take better care of themselves, they are aggressive in criticizing the created image.

Dissatisfaction with everything is a natural manifestation of the transitional age, it causes shyness, isolation and self-doubt.

During the transition period, the character and behavior of the boy sometimes changes dramatically. Physiological factors can also be the reason: increased sweating, unexpected acne, permanently oily hair. But at this time the boy wants to please the girls, his interest wakes up!

As a result of dissatisfaction with oneself, increased nervousness and sudden aggression often occur. The adolescent age signals itself by being rude towards parents, older people, and teachers. A flash of emotions is a feature of the age stage, its cause lies in the rapid restructuring of the body. The hormones responsible for puberty in a child's body are called androgens.

During the transitional age, the boy begins to position himself as an adult man. He wants to prove to others that he is able to solve his own problems on his own. Considering himself an adult, adolescents at a transitional age often perform “feats” under the influence of emotions, without realizing the possible consequences.

There is only one way out for adults - it is necessary to gently help the teenager navigate the situation, give unobtrusive but sensible advice, suggest how to cope with the problem.

Complexes

In the transitional age, the period of adolescent-youthful hypersexuality begins. Compared to the next period of life, this is the time of increased attention and attraction to sex. It is this period that becomes one of the most alarming for parents, since the acceleration of puberty is often associated with some disturbances in sexual behavior. Most often, parents are concerned about masturbation in teenage boys.

In addition, adolescence is often characterized by sexual attention to people of the same sex. The reason lies in the unconscious sex drive during the period of rapid development of a growing organism. If same-sex attraction or masturbation is persistent, parents need to insist on pathopsychological diagnosis from a practicing psychologist, as this signals the onset of a mental illness.

How should parents behave? The fragile psyche of adolescents, most often, itself suffers from such desires, boys feel like perverts. Sometimes a teenager will make it clear about this in a veiled form. It is important to read the signal in time and pay attention to it. An open discussion of this topic is undesirable, but the child should feel that the parents are on his side and these experiences are in vain, soon everything will fall into place.

In no case should vibrations of humiliation and contempt emanate from dear and close people.

Relevant in the transitional age and the topic of suicide. Recently, the number of cases among children and adolescents has increased dramatically. Unfortunately, suicidal behavior has recently become not only a consequence of stress and the activation of defense mechanisms, but also a tribute to fashion, imitation of more significant peers. The motive can be many factors: a means to avoid loneliness, revenge on parents, insulting and humiliating a child, misunderstanding and inattention. Drug addiction, physical abuse, oddly enough, school performance stand apart. Children prone to suicide feel unloved and deprived, they are anxious and unbalanced, deprived of faith in themselves.

Parents need to worry if the child has few friends, the behavior suddenly changed dramatically, the depression is observed for several days, the child is often haunted by failures. How to proceed in such cases?

Eliminate criticism of the teenager as much as possible;
Allow your child to express negative feelings;
Challenge the teenager to a conversation and do not interrupt it until he speaks out;
Let the child understand that they are serious about their problems;
Emphasize the temporary nature of the problem, offer help.

If the suicidal tendencies of a teenager resonate with his character traits, then it is better to consult a psychiatrist, because purely educational and psychotherapeutic influences may not be entirely effective and sufficient. As a prevention of suicide, there can be an appeal to life-affirming cultural sources.

It is very important for parents to find an approach to their teenager and maintain a relationship of trust. It must be remembered that the transitional age is difficult because the understanding of life is already becoming an adult, and there are practically no opportunities for self-realization. At the same time there is high level emotional sensitivity. The transitional age is a very controversial time, which is difficult for everyone, parents and their children to survive.

How can you achieve a relationship of trust? Trust is a relationship between two parties. Parents who are worried about the isolation of a teenager should first answer the question: do they themselves trust their child? There is no need to drive into a corner with interrogations, it is better to start a story about your life, and gradually the son will open up.

The conflict situation in the home walls, unambiguously, drives the teenager out into the street. And the transitional age requires that they communicate with the boy on an equal footing, because he already feels like a man. If you talk about yourself, you do not need to create an ideal image, it is better to remember your mistakes and failures, to reason about how you should have done the right thing. Morality only repels a teenager, it seems to him that he does not meet expectations, and therefore goes where he is perceived as an equal. Most often, this is a street.

Parents should try to keep the teenage boy and friends closer to home. It is especially important not to show that his friends do not like him too much - in a transitional age, this most often causes uncontrolled aggression in the child. Relationships are improved when parents start from the interests of the child - they listen to his favorite music, are interested in what interests him on the Internet. It is important to be aware of and not try to impose your opinion at the same time, in a transitional age this is ineffectual, but it can do harm. The thin thread of trust can be torn for a long time.

Tolerance and support is what a boy needs in a transitional age.

Psychologist's help

Sometimes not every parent can safely survive the transitional age of a child. Many people lack endurance, knowledge, and often just time to help their boy with advice and personal example. The ideal way out of this situation would be to contact a psychologist. He will provide professional assistance not only to a teenager, but also to his parents, and restore trusting relationships. Definitely, you should go to a psychologist if a teenage boy:

Locked in myself;
Complains of constant fatigue, refuses to eat;
Regularly demands, not asks for money;
Is rude to all family members, classmates and teachers;
He often shows aggression, is indifferent to all living things.

In these cases, contacting a specialist should be immediate. It is simply dangerous to aggravate the situation, it is necessary to establish contact, but it is unlikely that you will be able to do it yourself. I would like the transition period at the age of the child to pass imperceptibly and painlessly, and therefore you need to more often remember yourself at this age and put yourself in the place of your boy. Everyone had this period, only each lived it in different ways.

For every mother, her beloved son always remains a baby. She remembers every moment of his life: from birth to the first significant victories. And, often, the beginning of the transitional age in the boy catches his mother by surprise. it difficult period discoveries for both the child and the parents. The family way of life, built over the years, is being violated, quarrels, screams, misunderstandings and a dull wall of resentment on both sides come to replace peace and serenity. At what age does the transitional age begin in boys? How do you pass this challenging test? How to deal with a teenager? Is it possible to survive the transitional age of a son and remain friends with him? We will try to answer all these questions in our article.

When does puberty begin in boys?

The transitional age in boys occurs in everyone in different ways and depends, first of all, on the physiological characteristics of the child - namely, on the work of the hormonal system. It is the sex hormones that are responsible for the restructuring of the body, which leads to external and internal changes in boys. Also, an important role in entering puberty is influenced by living conditions, the level of physical development, the emotional and mental state of the child, heredity and even ethnicity. Pernicious habits - smoking, alcohol, etc. - have a rather serious impact on the maturation of boys. These factors inhibit the process of sexual development, since they inhibit the child's hormonal system.

As a rule, the onset of puberty in boys is between 10-12 years old, and by the age of 15 the young man becomes sexually mature. However, the full maturation of the body occurs only by the age of 23-25. These indicators are averaged and deviations from it for 2-3 years are not critical.

Signs of adolescence in boys

Parents raising young men often ask themselves a question - when the transitional age begins in boys and what are the signs of the beginning of this period. The boy's transitional age is a rather long process, which can be conditionally accommodated in the time frame from 9 to 17 years. The peak of these changes occurs mainly at 12-14 years of age. If we adhere to the official terminology of psychologists, then transitional age is a time period during which a child experiences puberty, accompanied by rapid physical development and excessive production of hormones. Very clear wording, isn't it? But in reality, everything is not easy. A teenager who yesterday was a sweet and affectionate son suddenly becomes withdrawn, aggressive, even hysterical in some moments. He is rude for any reason, is ashamed of his appearance and strives with all his might to position himself as an adult independent man, completely independent of his parents. He seems like a stranger to himself in this family and the world in general. The main task of parents is to support and be able to accept the child with all his changes, fears and complexes. After all, he is still your son, who cannot cope with the growing up suddenly on him.

Physiological features of adolescence in boys

A difficult age in a child begins with a physical restructuring of the body, which is accompanied by the following signs:

A sharp leap in growth. From the age of 12, a boy can annually add up to 10 cm in height. Bones are actively growing and muscles are developing.
Weight loss. Due to the increased growth, the child's body does not have time to assimilate and put it in reserve useful material and trace elements. All forces are spent on the growth of bones, therefore, during the transition period, boys experience a lack of weight, in some cases even dystrophy.
Changes in body relief. The figure of a teenager begins to form like a "man's", the shoulders become wider, and the hips are narrower.
"Breaking" the voice. The voice coarsens, becomes lower in tone. Usually this process stretches for 1-2 years until the end of puberty.
Body hair growth. Hair begins to grow in intimate area and armpits. Later, a fluff appears over upper lip and vegetation on the arms and legs.
Enlargement of the genitals. From 10 to 13 years old, there is an increase in the genitals, pigmentation of the mosquito appears.
The appearance of acne on the face and body. The active work of the sebaceous glands provokes acne and blackheads on the face, which some adolescents struggle with for years, while for others, everything goes away after a few months.
Uncontrolled ejaculation during sleep. In adolescence, a boy is faced with such a phenomenon as wet dreams. In fact, this is a completely normal stage of growing up.

Psychological problems of adolescence in boys

The physiological changes taking place in the child determine the adolescent's behavior and have an active influence on his psycho-emotional state. In a short

For a period of time, colossal transformations take place in the body of a young man, to which the child's psyche still does not have time to adapt. The body revolts and manifests itself in a very diverse way:

Emotional instability. A sudden change of mood, from calm to storm, is a common situation in a house where there is a teenager. The usual remark provokes, then tears, then the desire to argue.
Coarseness. An obedient child suddenly turned into a rude and cynical boor. All his words are brightly negative. The whole environment of a young man suffers from rudeness: parents, brothers and sisters, peers, teachers.
Aggression. Dissatisfaction with oneself and rejection of one's new changed body in many cases results in aggression towards others. For some, these are just school fights for leadership in the classroom, while others have serious offenses with drives to the police. I would like to note that aggression is still a natural manifestation in a boy's transitional age. He becomes a man and tries on a life model of behavior, at this moment his future male strategy is laid. Of course, you need to be able to distinguish between natural aggression, which helps to determine the role in life, from its extreme manifestations - cruelty and the desire for delinquency.
Attraction to the opposite sex. Unexpectedly for himself, the young man begins to experience an irresistible attraction to girls. At this moment, the basic norms of behavior with the opposite sex are laid. Errors and rejections are perceived harshly and painfully.
Sui cid. For a teenager, this seems to be the easiest way out of the vicious circle of misunderstanding and problems. Unfortunately, in Russia, the percentage of teenage suicides is increasing every year.

The boy's attempts to prove his masculinity to the whole world are especially troublesome. A teenager begins to position himself as an adult man, there is a rapid reassessment of values and a change in life orientations. He tries to independently resolve all issues, overcome the difficulties encountered alone. And these attempts are always very disturbing for parents, because as soon as a boy is faced with a question, the solution of which is beyond his powers due to a lack of life experience, he becomes even more aggressive and withdrawn.

Errors in the behavior of parents of a child of transitional age

Probably not a single family was able to easily survive the transitional age of their child and avoid mistakes. Moreover, each child is different, each case must be considered separately. There is no classification and template of parental mistakes that would be an assistant in such a difficult situation. But we can distinguish two models of parental behavior, unambiguously, unacceptable, and leading to the path of even greater problems and misunderstandings in communicating with their child.

Loyalty and unconditional acceptance of the situation

Faced with changes in their child, parents rush to sources of information. In a short period of time, they read articles on the Internet, books by eminent psychologists, conduct a blitz survey of friends and relatives who at one time experienced the problems of adolescence. Unfortunately, from all this abundance of information, they take out the main idea - the transitional age is not eternal, you need to love and endure. Such parents remain unperturbed when faced with the child's rudeness in their address, calm when the son brings only deuces from school or does not spend the night at home. They take the position of an observer and patiently wait for their sweet and kind child to return to them. This role is fundamentally flawed and disastrous!

Yes, a teenager needs a lot of love. Yes, he needs understanding and patience. But do not expect that the transition age will end as suddenly as it began and everything will return to normal. The child changes and will never be the same again! He, like air, needs help, advice, guidance and life guidelines. Without them, he will not be able to orient himself in the world that has become so unfamiliar and alien. It depends on the parents whether a teenager will step into adulthood as a harmonious and happy personality.

Severity and rejection

Another version of misbehavior of parents, leading to serious problems with a teenager - this is a manifestation of excessive severity. Such parents adhere to a despotic manner of upbringing, they believe that all the difficulties of adolescence are far-fetched and the source of their appearance is shortcomings in upbringing. In a harsh and categorical form, they suppress stubbornness, self-will, and the desire for independence in a teenager. A child in such a family feels rejected and misunderstood, and sees two ways out of the situation: to submit or to resist. Both the one and the other option does not lead to the harmonization of the personality. Submission, suppression of a teenager as a person is a direct road to suicide. Resisting parental will can lead to drugs, alcohol and, as a result, problems with the law or even death of the child.

How to survive the boy's transitional age and remain friends?

Physiological and psycho-emotional changes make the boy's transitional age a very difficult period in life. How can you help him get through this difficult time? How not to lose your credibility and remain friends? Every parent asks himself these questions. It's hard to be a true friend to a teenager, but it's worth trying. Sooner or later, all parenting efforts will be rewarded with an open and happy smile of a grown-up son.

Trusting relationship with the child- this is the basis on which fragile mutual understanding is built in adolescence. Of course, it is necessary to build these relationships with early childhood... If this did not work with the baby, then most likely it will not work with the teenager. It doesn't matter who the child trusts more, dad or mom, the main thing is that this person exists. And it is through him that all important points and decisions should be conveyed. So they will be more easily perceived and taken into action. You need to prepare for the transitional age in advance - listen to your son. No matter how busy the day is, set aside half an hour to communicate with your child. This time should belong only to him and you. No questions about school, no preaching. The topic and flow of the conversation are determined by the child, and the parent should be an active listener and an enthusiastic spectator. Make such communication a daily, good tradition from childhood, then the teenager will easily and naturally talk about his affairs and problems.

Interests of a teenager must become the interests of the parents. Very often, parents do not know what their children are fond of. Many people only call the computer, without even knowing which sites are frequently visited. Share all the interests of children, do it sincerely. If your son enjoys cycling, buy yourself an iron horse and ride together on weekends. Swimming, playing musical instruments, fixing a car - all these should become your hobbies together. This is the only way to preserve the fragile adult-child bond, which in most cases breaks down in adolescence. A special place in the life of a teenager, especially a boy, is occupied by friends, whom parents must know by sight. It's good if all your friends come into the house. This allows parents to discreetly keep their son's surroundings under control.

Social networks- the main competitor of parents in the struggle for the soul of a teenager. V modern world without social networks not a single adult can do, what can we say then, about those who strive to imitate their parents and children in everything. If the child has his own page, then be sure to add to him as a friend. This should be done at the age of 8-10, when children still easily let their parents into their lives. In the future, this will allow you to unnoticeably look into the secret thoughts and fears of the growing man. Always look through how a teenager lives on the Internet, what interests him, what posts he posts. This attentiveness in some cases will save the child from many harmful hobbies. There is a lot of controversy about the dangers of the Internet and computer games. Many videos have been filmed and posted on this topic, teenagers who killed their parents because of the ban on computer games, often began to appear in the crime news. A clear regulation of the time that can be spent at the computer will help to avoid these problems. The teenager should know how much time he is allowed to spend at the computer. And no pleading or persuasion should influence this regulation.

Independent decision making- the natural right of a growing up boy. To avoid serious and irreversible mistakes, allow him to make decisions in the so-called "comfort zone". Where the mistake does not become fatal, and the teenager will be able to bear responsibility for his decision. His desire for independence will be satisfied, and the understanding of responsibility, inexorably following the adoption of this or that decision, will force him to seriously and thoughtfully approach any problem.

The period of emotional storms gives rise to a feeling of general misunderstanding and rejection in the adolescent. Therefore, when you are faced with a problem of a difficult age, try to find a common language with your child. Spend more time together - go out into the countryside, go to the movies, walk, visit entertainment centers or an ice rink. If the situation is at an impasse, take a short vacation and go on vacation or go on a short hike. The main thing is more communication and joint positive emotions. Try to find something that your child really likes and channel all your energy in the right direction. By doing what he loves, a teenager can relax and get emotional relaxation. Try to listen to your child and give them the opportunity to grow, make and learn from early mistakes.

The difficulties of adolescence frighten many parents of teenagers, but if you show maximum patience and endurance, then this period will pass with minimal shocks for all of you.

Love your children. Love the rough and ridiculous, stubborn and shy, cynical and so vulnerable. Help them get through their transitional age with your wisdom and boundless love.

Has your sweet child become not himself? Does he strive to show his superiority, or, on the contrary, closed himself off? However, is he a middle school student? Everything is fine. This is a transitional age. And about its features in boys, read on.

In boys, the transitional stage of growing up falls on the age of 12 (14) - 17 (18) years. The peak of negative reactions is the stage from 14 to 16 years. The negative phase ends with a search for a friend, longing for a friend. The peak of emotional instability falls on 11-13 years old.

Signs of adolescence

In boys, the transitional age begins with swelling of the testicles, later the penis and other genitals increase. This happens on average at 11-15 years.
At the same time, hair appears in the genital area.
After a couple of years, facial and body hair begins to erupt.
There is a breaking of the voice (drops from low to high).
At the very beginning of maturation, there may be a slight increase in the mammary glands, which disappears after a year or two.
Night ejaculations.
Reactions common to both sexes (aggression, contradiction, fatigue, maximalism).
The desire to demonstrate their physical strength.

Puberty

In boys, puberty begins at 13-14 years old and ends at 16-17 years old. The specificity of sexual development is the desire to look older, "cooler", to be like their idols. They, like girls, are drawn to the opposite sex. However, they really rarely fall in love, more often they "play in a relationship."

Gender identification in boys is closely related to the image of a woman nearby. That is, the more female example around, the more the boy realizes his masculinity. The more feminine the girls around him are, the more he feels like a man.

Physical development

The peak growth of boys falls on 13 (13.5) years - 15 years, and slows down by 18 years. At the same time, the weight grows from 14 to 16 years.

Formation of immunity

The final phase of the development of the human immune system falls on adolescence. In boys, this occurs at the age of 14-15. The development of immunity depends on external conditions environment and from heredity. That is why it is important for adolescents:

eat well and properly;
exercise;
avoid bad habits.

The cardiovascular system

There is a gradual increase in blood pressure... The pulse is slightly higher than normal, but lower than that of girls. However, like them, there are headaches, dizziness, weakness.

Muscle

In young men, muscle growth occurs at the age of 14, but compliance with the strength of an adult man is achieved later.

Breath

Respiratory organs are growing. In young men, the abdominal type of breathing prevails. Boys can more easily tolerate lack of air during exercise.

Emotional sphere

Like girls, boys are characterized by heightened emotionality and depth of emotion. Aggressiveness is more characteristic of them. In general, teenage boys have lower emotionality than girls. This is especially true of the relationship between the sexes.

Of all the elements of puberty, the greatest resentment (fear, shyness, misunderstanding, insecurity) in boys can cause the phenomenon of nocturnal ejaculation. It is important to talk about this with your son. It is important for boys, like girls, to know the characteristics of their reproductive system(in advance).
If you cannot talk to a teenager yourself about puberty (by the way, believe me, he is experiencing no less discomfort), then just give him good book with available information. The boy will decide for himself what and when he wants to learn from her.
Give your teen advice on skin care or take them to a dermatologist. For adolescents, their appearance is very important.
Do not ignore your teenager's concerns about him. appearance even if you think your son is perfect. It is important to explain that this is temporary and the appearance of a person is formed anatomically until the age of 20, and later it is easily corrected on its own.
Do not exacerbate the situation by shouting about the insignificance of his problems.
Remember that, which is common in adolescents, is compensation for an inferiority complex. It is important to understand why a teenager is not confident in himself and.
Judge the actions, not the teenager.
Absolutely love.
Success depends a lot on self-esteem. Self-esteem must be supported from the outside (the task of the parents). Believe me, the teenager already scolds himself enough and focuses on the shortcomings. Your task, as opposed to noticing only positive aspects. At least focus on them.
Peer interaction and hobbies are very important. If this does not harm the child and society, then let him listen to "creepy" music or look "scary".
In constraints, you need to act as a united front. The teenager should not be able to find a loophole in the family.

Thus, the task of the parents of a teenage boy is to teach him to act independently, to be responsible for his actions, to choose a circle of friends and life guidelines. It is important to contribute to the development of positive traits of his character and to reduce the severity of negative (or). To do this, you can conduct conversations, independently investigate the personality (questionnaires, polls).

Self-knowledge and self-determination are the basis of age. In boys, self-determination is more focused on professional activities. Often they even seek to find a part-time job. This is good and should not be discouraged. But we need to facilitate the setting of adequate priorities and find a compromise together.

However, there is also the opposite option - passivity. Then you need to contribute to finding a hobby for a teenager.

When interacting with a teenager, it is important to avoid authoritarianism and cruelty, liberalism ("the idol of the family"), overprotection and hypo-care. These are destructive parenting styles. They have a destructive effect on the relationship between children and parents, their personality.

Establishing a friendly cooperative relationship with a teenager will be facilitated by:

eye and tactile contact (a natural need for all people, often unconscious);
active listening (vocalizing the child's feelings: "you are upset because you can't do your homework");
pronouncing your feelings, especially negative ones (but not “you upset me”, but “I am upset,” that is, operate with I-statements).

Related Literature

Yu. P. Gippenreiter “Communicate with a child. How?".
OV Kholodkovskaya, VA Pashnina "Difficult transitional age: An easy solution to complex problems."

Thank you for the attention. I wish you understanding with your children! Listen and you will be heard.

Often, at a transitional age, a cute child turns into a closed, nervous teenager who can flare up over a trifle, be rude or withdrawn. How to find a common language with a grown-up child, why does it behave this way, is it possible to scold him and how to control it correctly, "AiF" -NP "told child and adolescent psychologist-psychoanalyst Ekaterina Kozlova.

The child is disappointed in his parents

Gleb Danilov, "AiF" -NP ": Ekaterina, when does adolescence come from the point of view of science?

Ekaterina Kozlova: V different countries and in different eras there was a different attitude towards this period. And in our country there was a time when girls at the age of 12-13 got married and gave birth to children. Even now, there are many concepts and approaches to understanding the beginning and end of adolescence, the largest range - from 11 years old to 19-20.

It is widely believed that pre-adolescence begins with the onset of secondary sex characteristics, at about 11 years of age. And the adolescence itself - at 13-15 years old, with the appearance of menstruation in girls and ejaculation in boys.

- Why is it becoming difficult to communicate with teenagers? What caused the crisis?

The adolescent period is quite long, and each year in this period its own processes take place. The crisis is observed only at one of the stages. At first, children prefer to communicate only with children of the same gender, boys bully girls, show aggression towards them. There may be untidiness, inconsistency. Relations with parents are calm. At the age of about 12 years, in relations with parents, there is a desire to protest, mood swings. In communication with peers, interest in one's gender predominates, and their own companies appear.

At the age of 13-15, strong changes occur both in the body and in the psyche of a teenager. This is the time of the so-called crisis. Authorities for a teenager are changing, now they are not parents, but peers. You need to understand this and not fight the inevitable. The course of this stage depends on the family, on the relationship with the parents - how they relate to him and what happens to him. When the child was young, he idealized mom and dad. In order for a teenager to have his own beliefs, he has to abandon the beliefs of his parents, there is a kind of disappointment in them. Now he understands that mom and dad are not omnipotent, they have weaknesses, etc. Also at this age there is an active struggle with their own desires, sexual tension increases, and everyone is struggling with it in different ways. Someone resorts to intellectualization, their mental activity is enhanced, someone is looking for thrills, someone seeks to change the world, going into groups, sects, etc. A teenager really has more freedom and responsibility than a toddler, but not everyone is ready for such changes, especially if he was previously overly controlled or not given independence. Often at this time, children feel lonely, they cannot and do not want to receive attention and care from their parents as before.

There may be a protest and a desire to be different from other people, a struggle for their freedom, often this is expressed in the appearance of a teenager.

After 16 years, boys and girls strive to defend their rights and desires. Relationships with parents can be less stressful. The teenager is preparing for a new stage of "separation" from them, to find his own mate.

Without violence and pressure

- Is it possible to somehow prepare a child for the difficulties of adolescence?

Parents need to prepare more. Accept that the child is growing up and you will have to change the relationship with him, perhaps the family way. If teenage rebellion is too strong, then there are problems in relations with parents (including too strong attachment to them). The teenage crisis, like a litmus test, shows whether there are still any unresolved problems from childhood, and, one might say, gives the last chance to solve them on their own, without psychotherapy.

- Often teenagers abandon their studies, stop doing their homework. Do I need to force them to learn?

You need to calmly find out what happened. If the child used to do his homework, but now he has stopped, it means that there are some reasons for this. If a teenager is afraid of parents, he will not be able to trust them and share some events and experiences.

- Should I be punished for a riot? And How?

With a teenager, colossal changes are taking place, this is a strong load on the body and psyche. During this period, it is important to support him without pressure. Remember the law of physics? The more pressure, the more resistance. This does not mean the absence of restrictions, they exist throughout the entire process of education, only they should already be designated in a different way. It is necessary not to put pressure on power and authority (after all, there will not be much of it later), but to negotiate. If you spoil the relationship during this period, it can last a lifetime. Sometimes I observe the following situation: the parents overcontrolled the child, did homework for him, brushed his teeth, helped him with hygiene, etc., and when the teenage stage came, they wonder why he is dependent, not interested in anything, indifferent, sometimes rude and aggressive.

If the relationship before this age was trusting, the child was given freedom, independence, then the adolescent stage will pass easier.

Some people think that if a child is loaded with additional classes, sections and circles, then there will be no time for rebellion and antics.

There is a growing tendency to load children from the age of two with sections, classes; the schedule of the kid sometimes exceeds the schedule of the adult in terms of workload. But this leads to an increase in psychological problems and even psychiatric illnesses. The teenager also should not be overloaded with activities if it is not his own choice as a way to cope with stress.

Riot is needed!

- Do you need to control a teenager? How to find out that he got into a bad company, and what to do?

- If the relationship is trusting, if the teenager knows that in any situation you are on his side, he will ask for help himself. You need to sound the alarm if you observe any changes in the behavior of a teenager, an altered state under the influence of psychoactive substances, etc. Again, with strong parental pressure and control, the child can act in spite of the parents. It is important to teach him to take responsibility for his own actions and life, his own health in general.

- When do you need urgent help from a psychologist?

At this age, there may be some regression, fears, neurotic reactions (obsessive thoughts and actions, tics, etc.) may appear. It can go away on its own. If it does not go away or is strongly expressed, you should consult a specialist. Help is needed when a child talks about death, about the desire to die. Suicidal attempts by adolescents are often directed at the reaction of adults, but are sometimes associated with adolescent depression. In addition, it is necessary to consult a psychologist if you observe strong behavioral symptoms (constantly depressed state, aggression, leaving home, etc.), eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia), various addictions (computer games, the Internet, alcohol, drugs).

They say that teenage riots are necessary, otherwise they can appear in adulthood, and it will be much worse, because then people can destroy marriages.

All age-related issues should be resolved in due time. A teenage rebellion is a significant stage in a person's life when he grows up, realizes his I, his needs, protects his personal space, sets his own laws and boundaries in relationships, often through conflict, aggression, irritation. Without living this period, he will become an infantile adult who does not know how to defend his opinion and achieve his goals. He will not live his life, acting on the orders of his parents, until the problems are revealed and he finally notices that his interests and needs are not being met. Or another option - a person will try to fight, protest all his life, still, as it were, in his adolescence.

What can help:

trusting relationship with parents;
the flexibility of the parents (the willingness to change themselves and change the relationship with the teenager, the perception of him);
acceptance of the growing up of the child;
safe passage by a teenager of previous age stages (timely resolution of issues and conflicts of a certain age);
absence of conflicts between parents in the family.

What will get in the way:

excessive control
physical punishment in the family,
contradictions in upbringing (today they allow, tomorrow they forbid, or one parent allows, the other forbids),
lack of independence of a teenager (slept with his parents or one of them, did homework with his parents, is not independent in everyday life),
traumatic situations (divorce of parents, death of a relative, friend, etc.).

Books to help parents

Berdnikova Yu.L. Education and development of the child.
Berdnikova Yu.L. If there is no stick, stick with the carrot?
Dolto F. On the side of a teenager.
Bayard R., Bayard D. Your Restless Teenager.

As a student grows up, parents have a lot of questions, some of them about the sexual development of their child. It is not only behavior and mood that change, the mental is enhanced, physical development... Puberty for boys and girls occurs at different times, for each case it is an individual process that begins with intensive growth.

What is puberty

The period from 10 to 16 years old is that difficult time when there is a transitional age among the representatives of the stronger sex. It can last less than the specified interval, and it ends as unexpectedly as it began. Physiological changes in adolescence end with the body's ability to reproduce, when a child once turns into an adult man. In addition, radical changes are taking place in psychology, perception of the world, and attitude to the world around them. For parents, transitional age is a global problem that takes years to overcome.

When does puberty begin in boys

The answer to the question of how long the transitional age lasts for boys is ambiguous and has its own individual characteristics. In some schoolchildren, it begins at the age of 9, while others do not feel the first symptoms by the age of 11. The restructuring of the adolescent organism starts from the age of 10, and the post-pubertal period ends closer to the age of 16. This transitional state begins with a hormonal surge. The boy is not aware of such changes, but they are obvious to everyone around him. Puberty occurs in several stages - each has different symptoms.

Physiological signs of puberty

A boy at the transitional age of 10 years is growing rapidly, stretching. Mom and Dad may notice that his height has increased by 10-12 cm, this is not the limit. The voice begins to break down, so sometimes it is very difficult to recognize the interlocutor of a teenager during a telephone conversation. Boys become wider in the shoulders, and the reason for this is the active growth of bones, an increased set of muscle mass.

The transitional age in boys is complemented by sexual development, increased vegetation on the body. Many young men in this difficult period strive to grow a beard in order to look much older than their years, to attract the attention of girls. A surge in hormones makes a guy nervous and irritable, there is an instability of the male central nervous system. In this state, the adolescent is characterized by symptoms of hyperactivity or, conversely, obvious signs of depression. This is how the son becomes a man, and the adults must accept it.

Acne may appear on the face, and acne symptoms are not excluded. This is a temporary phenomenon that causes discomfort, inner self-doubt, instills an inferiority complex. From external changes, it is worth adding manifestations of skin pigmentation, increased sweating due to the increased work of the sebaceous glands. Hair can change its structure, and it appears not only throughout the body, but also in especially piquant places.

Psychological changes

The transitional age in boys is characterized by increased sensitivity and serious interest in the representatives of the opposite sex. From now on, he experiences not only emotional, but also physical attraction, seeks to achieve the object of desire. This is how the first relationship arises, the beloved girl and the ardor of feelings appear. There is a complete misunderstanding in the family, and the boy may even leave home.

Puberty is a difficult time when teenage boys consider themselves to be overly adults and may fall into questionable company. They are driven by curiosity and a desire to show themselves, their self. However, a lack of life experience leads to colossal problems. A teenager has a pair game with his parents: he tries in every way to separate from them, and they return him to the family. The conflict between generations is obvious, the transitional age for boys may be somewhat delayed.

What is important for parents to know

Boys just need to survive adolescence, especially since this unpleasant phenomenon sooner or later passes away anyway. Dad and mom should not only be wiser, but also show restraint, loyalty, maintain diplomatic relations in the family, while not letting their child get out of control. One mistake - and adolescence can erase adulthood.
In adolescence, a teenager experiences physical and emotional development And a broken voice isn't the only sign of growing up. Productive sperm and rash actions can lead to early fatherhood. To prevent this from happening, adults should talk with their son, tell him about the principles and aspirations of adults, and become a role model.
When certain difficulties of adolescence in boys are difficult to overcome, it is imperative to use the help of a psychologist, but in no case put pressure on the teenager with your authority, life experience, and totalitarian position. If you find a common language in a timely manner, then this difficult time will fly by for anxious parents in an instant.

Video: characteristics of adolescence

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